The Beast Within
© 1981	MGM
Rated R	98min
RATINGS
Hamster	Neo

Michael MacCleary - The offspring of his mother's rape on her honeymoon. This prime example ofwhy some species eat their young is also part monster and eventually turns into some sort of locust like creature. Thankfully his mother comes to her senses and shoots him!

Caroline MacCleary - Michael's mother and a little hotty back in the day, although still not the sharpest knife in the drawer! She does show some signs of brain activity by the end of the film when she shoots her son.

Eli MacCleary - Could this man have been any less useful? Eli is Michael's father and he only goes to show that Michael must have been raised by his mother!

Dr. Odom - Michael's doctor and a master of reading x-rays! This man was able to predict Michael's transformation by way of ONLY x-ray.

Amanda Platt - This major hotty is Michael's love interest in the small town of Nioba Mississippi. Again, like Michael's mom, this stump-dumb idiot ignores all the signs and goes about her daily life of blissful ignorance up until Michael rapes her.

Dexter Ward - Another one of the towns people who was in one the massive secret involving Michael's real father! His was one of the coolest deaths I have seen on film. (next to the eye/drill scene from Fulci!) Anyway, he was embalmed alive!

Judge Gordon - Major part in the conspirecy of Michael's real father, Billy Conners. This Judge, also Mayor, had his head torn right off! Sweet scene I may add!

Tom Laws - Childhood friend of Billy's and a major drunk! For some reason Billy wanted him dead so Michael tossed him into a transformer.

Billy Conners - Michael's true father and the one who raped Caroline. He too was some kind of locust like creature and was able to pass on his memories and want for revenge to Michael. Chained in a basement by Lionel Curwin until death.

*Well this isn't Jackson. It ain't even Shrieveport.

*Judge, Mayor, and sometimes pig-headed son-of-a-bitch!

*You boys are always droppin' things. Guess you're playin' with yourselves too much.

*You look like the hind end of a coon dog just leavin' the swamp!

• Nioba Mississippi is the heart of dixie.
• Never open a trap door inside an old abandoned southern home and invite what ever's inside the basement to come on out.
• Best way to show your love for a woman is to bash her head in with a snowglobe.
• "He needed killin'" is a justifyable excuse in Mississippi.
• Never trust anyone who can only "kinda drive!"
• When children begin to swell, tear apart, and transform into giant insects, you should kill them immediately and spare yourself future torment.
• Being forced into cannibalism results in becoming a humanoid insect!

5min: Random act of violence against a labrador.
6min: WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!
7min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
8min: Gone one minute and already his wife is cheating on him.
9min: I have a distinct feeling I'm never going to Mississippi.
14min: Awww. Buck up lil'trooper!
16min: Look lady, don't flirt! It doesn't come well from you!
31min: I hate it when my food repeats on me too.
33min: You knowyou're a goober when 'Houston' sounds like a fun trip.
36min: He's going to come back with a hand. They always do!
37min: I KNEW IT!!!
38min: What's wrong Pa, Don't like competition?
41min: Alas poor Urich, I knew him well Bubba.
51min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
53min: Talk about "pitching a tent"
67min: "kinda" is not a good answer to the question "Can you drive?"!
69min: I'm with you lady! What the hell did you say boy?
78min: Shoot him stupid! You do have a gun you know.
81min: Tht stupid and lame transformation took 3 feckin' minutes!
84min: AARRRGGHHH What the hell happened to his hair???
85min: Give him to the boy and save your own damn hide!
92min: Well she did say she could only "kinda" drive.
93min: Full Frontal Nudity!

The movies cover dared us not to scream, leave our seats, or toss our cookies, or something, in the last thrity minutes. Neo and I met that challenge easily. After all, the first thirty minutes were far and away much better than the last thirty.

In this film, a couple on their honeymoon, are driving through Mississippi when they suffer a renegade bout of car trouble. This results in the woman getting raped while the husband was off looking for help. Well she is impregnated and years later when the boy has health problems they come back to this small Mississippi town to findout what they can about the boys heritage.

Well in the first part of the movie we have the boy in a cannibalistic killing spree after he's possessed by the spirit of his father. His father, we find out, was sleeping with another man's wife. The angry husband locked him the basement and fed him the remains of his wife. I'm not exactly sure why but this turned him into a ciceada creature.

Now possessing the body of his son the ciceada man is now seeking revenge against the family of the man who turned him into a ... well ... hideous bug man. One member of this family is the cute love interest of the boys.

The much hyped last thirty minutes is in actuality the worst part of the film in which the boy turns into a quasimoto looking freak and sets about kiling thelast members of the faily he hates somuch. Except that rathr than killin the girl, he rapes her.

Even though the movie is interesting and well done, it's mssing something. I'm probably ust annoyed that it did in no way, live up to it's hyped ending. I mean kid looked disfigured, not monsterous, and the death scenes in the beginning were more interesting than the ones at the end.

Hell six minutes into the movie we get sixty seconds that were more interesting than the whole last thirty minutes!

Well let's begin with telling you how this suckfest started to rot my brain from the get go. We have Eli and Caroline passing through Nioba Mississippi on their honeymoon. I know. Sounds just simply romantic doesn't it? Anyway, like most horror films have to have, they end up having car trouble. This leads to the chivalrous Eli leaving his wife in the car all by her lonesome while he takes off, leaving her in the dark woods, in the dead of night, in the nonworking car! Not exactly a Harvard grad I would suggest! This man deserved to be torn limb from limb and beaten senseless with the severed appendages.

This now leads to their pet puppy running off into the dark woods after some unseen evil and Caroline "The Idiotic" following. Of course no good can come from a cute blonde running through the creepy woods after a run-away dog, and this film is no exception to that rule. Once out of the car and just out of sight of the road, Caroline is attacked by some hulking mass of a creature. This sensual moment was not only brought to you by Black Flag, but it was also blessed with a child. Around the child's teens he starts to become deathly ill. Eli and Caroline now return to Nioba to learn what they can about the boy's rapist father. I can see how NOW would be a better time than WHEN IT FECKIN HAPPENED!! You know what? Forget it! Everyone in this film deserved to die in some horrific manner! They were all so stupid and poorly written that I could give a rats ass less what happened to them! Common sense was certainly NOT in their character description!

After a long and rather involved back story dealing with Michael's real father, Billy Conners, we are treated to some of the worst transformation special FX I have ever seen set to film! To make a long story short, Michael goes on a killing spree, raping rampage, and cannibalistic carnage before he is eventually put out of my misery!

Now this film did have a good story and a concept that was very original. It's just a shame it was done by people who probably kill braincells each time they pop a squat over the toilet.