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| Knight Chills | ||||
| © 2002 | Collective Development | |||
| Rated R | 82min | |||
| RATINGS | ||||
| Neo | ||||
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John (aka) "Sir Kallio" - Probably the most annoying character in this whole entire film. I have a feeling we were supposed to feel bad for John and cheer for Kallio once revenge was taken, but I honestly cheered when that car went boom! John is a typical example of what gives people the wrong idea of D&D. He is in love with Brooke yet can't seem to call her by anything other than her character's name, Jihandra. He is seriously lost between the lines of fantasy and reality.
Jack Nixon Sr. - Jack is the teacher/DM who leads this rag-tag bunch through their quests in fantasy land! Also, most likely the best actor in the whole movie! You tend to feel for this character as his world crumbles around him and all his friends end up dead. I wish my DM was a little more like this guy!
Zac - This burn-out turned alcholic is played by none other than the films co-writer and producer, Richard "DJ" Perry. I was lucky enough to conduct an interview with him which can be read by clicking HERE. Keep in mind that just because this guy is extremely cool and he is the second producer to give me the time of day, that I am going to go easy on this film. That's not at all what I am about. In fact, the character ZAC was not without his own problems. He eventually dies by some kind of severe head trauma. I think that little bastard Jackson killed him!
Brooke - Brooke is a very cute redhead that I have seen in my dreams ever since, played by Laura Tidwell. Although not that great of an actress, she was the best eye candy in the whole film. She is also the love interest of Kallio ... er ... JOHN (Now he's got me doing it) and as such is protected by this vengeance spirit. I am a little lost on this since she told him to f*ck off and treated him with a little less compassion than she would a tree slug.
Nancy - This woman reminded me of a friend I have, so she had an instant connection to me! Sarcastic, devious, and still a little cute, she was the perfect player! She too is spared by Kallio ... ah screw it ... and allowed to live out her life in fear that she may be killed by some guy in armor at any time! No pressure sweety! Her man hating side was little annoying though. I really think perhaps there was something between Nancy and Jack's wife Laura. Too bad we didn't get to see any of this though!
Laura Nixon - This woman couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag! Thankfully she was dealt with by Kallio. She loved to gossip and perhaps deserved a bit worse than what ever it was Kallio did to her. Hell, she called John a murderer and his mother a freak! Now in my town, that's grounds for a hangin'! I suppose it wouldn't have been so bad if she could at least ACT!! If she has a lawyer she should sue her acting coach.
Hanee - Right there near the top of annoying characters is this waste of human flesh and skin! Some kind of college drop-out, frankly I'm surprised he made it through High School, that now works on his father's Christmas tree farm. He tormented John the worst and as such was the first to die a bitter cruel death by Kallio's blade!
Russell - A superman fan? Well I guess he can't be all that bad! WRONG!!! This man was an idiot with a small dose of compassion. Still, he made fun of John at his damn funeral! How tactless is that? This idiot deserved to die by the dumpster behind a liquor store! I still feel it should have involved some rabid ferrets and MC Hammer pants, but hey! That's just me!
Detective Galligan - Did this man even serve a purpose? If so I think I missed it! Frankly there is nothing that can be said about this man other than he is another graduate of the Barney Fife School of Idiocy!
*Dude, you have gots to lay off the heavy drugs!
*I don't know about all this devil worship and role playing but I'll tell you this, The Rubix Cube!? That's the devil's handy work if I ever saw it!
*We are the burn outs proud and true. We grow our own weed and we smoke it too. I know one day that we'll all die, but when we go, we'll all go high!
*He's like some kind of Curt Cobain follower or something.
*Yeah well that's the high stakes world of Christmas tree selling.
*Enjoy your roasted pig fat!
*Just don't breathe on the customers ... or the disposable lighters!
1min: You tell that door off there John.
2min: Hey, these are pretty cool intro credits. I just hpe this isn't where they spent most of their budget!
7min: A lucky goblin? HA! That is to laugh ... shut up Seyonne!
9min: Did someone let a horse into the dungeon?
19min: sniffing the earring? Dude. That's kind of ... sick.
20min: I am so jealous of you right now Zac!
22min: Nevermind. She's a bit bitchy the morning after huh? Retract the claws sweetheart!
24min: Tell me he is not reading from the script right there in front of us!
47min: Would it be wrong to cheer right now?
50min: Hey Russell? Aren't you the least bit worried that your store loks to be ... well ... ON FIRE?!?
68min: Thanks for rubbing that in bitch!
77min: Remind me to never hire you as my guard Jack.
79min: How the hell can the four winds be at your back?
Finally I gave up and sat down to watch it. I was actually amazed. Well not the first time I watched it. The first time I wanted to take the DVD out of the player, write an apology letter to Sony for subjecting one of their machines to such torture and hunt down the director in the hopes of planting this film 6 inches into her head. I then decided it was a prime choice for a film to join the ranks seen on this site. I actually watched it again during the review though and I noticed a few things. Some good and some bad so I subjected myself to it again. And then again, and again, and again. Around the seventh time watching it, I realised that I actually liked it.
This film did something very few films do and that was make me feel for some of the characters. Mostly I felt hated towards John and I wanted to kill him myself, but I also felt sorry for Jack, Zac, and Nancy. I felt redeemed when Hanee and Russell bit the big one and I felt such joy and giddiness when John rammed himself into a tree. It really was Christmas all over again!
Before I get too into this display of ass kissing I would like to point out that this film was not without it's own little probems though. Most of which can be explained awaywith the lack of budget. Poor acting for example. It was painfully obvious that the woman playing Laura Nixon was someone's friend or relative. It's also a good thing Nancy's life didn't depend on her acting or she would have died during the opening credits! Even plot holes made their way into the film. DJ tries to explain one of them away in the interview and although he is a very cool guy, it was done kind of lame. No worries though.
The film, although low in budget and even lower in acting ability, was a success. The DVD had a crap load of great extras, more than most other low budget suckfests I have seen, and even a tour of their ... ahem ... "Dungeon." Maybe I should put a cyber tour of my dungeon online. hmmm (mental note). Anyway, behind the scenes, tours, story boards, production stills, good plot, a big frickin' horse, friendly staff, and an eye catching DVD all made this straight to video release a success in my book! Check it out, hell, even buy it on Amazon if you like. Just see it and remember, these are people who have done this all on their own! Keep up the good work guys and I look forward to seeing more stuff soon!
