Review for "Terror of Mechagodzilla"

Terror of Mechagodzilla

Toho Company
Inc.

Rated NR

78min

RATINGS

Neo

Dr. Mafune - This mad scientist discovered the famed, and frankly lame, Titanosaurus. Of course he loses his job, family, and becomes an intergalactic outlaw because of it. But hey, At least he discovered a monster who's big weapon is it's ass wag! This ought to put Barney back on the map.

Katsura Mafune - This is the doctor's babe daughter who, because of her fathers lame-ass experiments, ends up become cybornetic. Thankfully we do get to see her in that little schoolgirl like uniform. Anyway, she ends up helping the aliens and falling in love with Murakoshi. Who could ever love a machine? Got one word for you doctor, Vibrater.

Jiro Murakoshi - This man works for Interpol? He was like the Steve McGarrett of the Godzilla world. And talk about lame. This man couldn't solve a crime on his own if it walked up and introduced itself.

Akira Ichinose - This was Steve's ... er ... Jiro's friend and obviously the brains of the two. I waited the whole film to hear him yell out "TETSUOOOOO" but alas, like my life, I never got what I prayed for.

Yuri Yamamoto - Is it just me or does every Japanese film have to have a character named Yamamoto? Doesn't matter in this case! This babe was HOTT!! I think she was a scientist for Interpol but they never showed her enough. Plus, I think my version may have been cut all to hell because she just appeared out of no where. The 5 minutes of screen time she had helped make the film though! m'm m'm m'm. I would have loved to dip my spring roll into her sushi bar!

Maragaru Leader - He was in this? Which one was he?

*Were they spacemen?
*Who would loe a cyborg? A person who's not a person,
*Shut up you!
*I may look like a girl, but I'm not.

Metallic missles can just regenerate.
Spacemen are just as incompetent as earthmen.
Everything we know about blackholes is wrong.
If you're a pathetic sea creature, all you have to do is fart and shake your ass to have a killer weapon.
The Japanese part of the ocean is surprisingly deep!
It doesn't pay to be an insurance salesman in Tokyo.

4min: When I was a kid I used to play with one of those in my bath. heehee
7min: Whoa. He's enough fish sticks to feed Tokyo for a few years!
13min: Well, his first mistake was thinking rats are sea creatures.
35min: Why the hell did he have a German accent?
54min: Ummm? The aliens wear heels? We're being invaded by crossdressers?
65min: Wait, MechG regenerates his hand missles? HOW???

This review will be an easy one. Although MechaG is probably my favorite of the Big G monsters, he sucked major ass in this film! He teamed up with Titanosaurus for one. He would have done a hell of a lot more damage had he teamed with Barney, the lovable and annoying creature of hell! What I don't know is why he had to team with anyone in the first place, least of all the the assmaster.

Don't get me wrong, watching Big G take on Assmaster and MechaG was pretty cool. Even watching the toy tanks roll out and large cardboard buildings get trashed was extremely fun. This all added to the pretty hot Japanese babes mixed out to a righteous 70's disco mix made a fun film. BUT, where was the plot? Why rehash old villians? Why leave such large plot holes? Why invest large amounts of money to film scenes to only cut them out later, leaving the viewer to ask questions like "What the hell is that about?" or "Who is she and where did she come from?"

Like all films, this one has it's ups and it's downs. One major down being Assmaster Titanosaurus. But for every bad thing a G film brings us, it makes up for down the road. For example, the opening 4 minutes of this film reviewing the epic battle between MechaG and Godzilla. I am hard pressed to think of another film that opens with a 4 minute fight scene. Hell, even my most anticipated sequels ever (Matrix 2 & 3) end with a 15 battle, but like I said, ENDS. This film catches you right from the start and raes your senses for every ounce of entertainment possible. Then again, you are forced to endure those crack-monkey aliens.

Here's a little background about these "alien" people. They are from a dying planet that is slowly "falling" into a black hole. Now maybe it was just poor translation, but you don't "fall" into a black hole. You are "Pulled" into a black hole. Anyway, they are here to exterminate all human life and inhabit the planet as their own. Here's the kicker. They look Asian and some even sound German, yet their aliens. They built MechaG in the hopes of destroying Tokyo, since Tokyo is the backbone of Earth I guess, and to stop Godzilla. They also saved Katsura and as such have forced Dr Mafune to now work for them and help them take over the world. "Tell me Mafune, Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" As if this isn't weak enough, they make these "spacemen" wear shiney silver outfits and high-heeled boots.

Over looking the horrid little space-people, this was an OK film. It had all the neccessary elements needed to make a Big G film. Monsters, a major city reduced to ruins, toy tanks, and a butt load of nuclear energy. Or was that methane? Anyway, check it out and enjoy! Just remember to watch it with someone you love! Now I'm off to wash my eyes with a peroxide/bleach mix in the hopes of removing any images of Titanosaurus that may have burned themselves into my retinas. "I love you. You love me."