Productions
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| Q: The Winged Serpent | ||||
| © 1982 | Larco Productions | |||
| Rated R | 95min | |||
| RATINGS | ||||
| Hamster | Neo | |||
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Jimmy Quinn - Ex druggie turned wheelman. Obviously has some kind of mental problems. Helps the NYPD locate the monster "Q". Oh Jimmy. How I hate thee!
Detective Shepard - Cop played by David Carradine. Investigating the strange series of murders that have been popping up lately. Finds the link between the murders and ancient Aztec rituals! Must be a Shaolin thing!
Sergeant Powell - Cop played by Richard Roundtree who is also investigating the murders. Ends up being carried off by "Q" and dropped to his death!
Joan - Jimmy's on again, off again woman friend. Obviously has extremely low self-esteem to be hooked up with the likes of Jimmy!
Aztec Priest - Summoner of "Q" and master of all he surveys. Ok maybe not master but he has been getting New York to be a bit Paranoid and that's no small feat! Shot and killed by Shepard.
Webb & Doyle - Perhaps our favorite characters in the whole film! Stereo-typical Italian mobsters (with-out the Armani) who beat the hell out of Jimmy for losing their Diamonds. Unfortunatly they end up being fed to "Q" by Jimmy.
Quetzacoatl - Just call him "Q". A feathered, serpent like, God/creature who terrorizes New York and has some good taste in women! No pun intended. Shot and killed by a NYPD SWAT Team!
*Aww sh!t. Maybe his head just got loose and fell off!
*It'll blow my nuts off.
*And it would do that of course because New York is known for good eating!
*Stick that up your brain.
*Shoot it. If it doesn't fall, I just may start praying to it myself!
2min: Don't like the guy huh? Geez, Why not flash him your goodies. Maybe he'll get the hint than!
3min: Now that's what I like to see, a gorey death to start the film off!
6min: For having his skin sliced off, he sure didn't bleed much on the nice clean white sheets!
7min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
8min: "It's raining blood. Hala-loo-yah It's raining blood.
10min: I totally agree dawg!
17min: Nice to see a guard with such enthusiasm
20min: I wonder if he's still pissing?
30min: She needs to stop making suggestions.
38min: What the hell is this music?
39min: ahhhhhhh I so enjoyed watching them beat the hell out of Jimmy!
45min: Gotta love that Chicken Lizard.
57min: Doodling in a meeting? I've been there brother!
61min: I HATE Mr. Quinn so much!
65min: HA HA HA. The idiot just admitted to conspirecy to commit murder!
69min: Ah yes! The human way of thinking. Kill what you don't know or understand! Learn later!
70min: Random act of violence against a report
73min: Way to go murderers!
76min: Aren't mimes supposed to be silent?
79min: Thanks for the History lesson!
81min: Random act of violence against a Kite
83min: NYPD+Budweiser™+Automatic weapons=Disaster
88min: No please! I beg you! Don't protect Quinn!
92min: Larry Cohen, You've just made Neo's List!
We here at Neohamster Productions love a lot of variety and we also have a very mathmatical and scientific way of deciding which movies we are going to watch. in other words I shouted "Neo, Neo please! I want to see the movie with the giant monster!" to which Neo replied "Look hamster, I know you like dinosaur movies but for all the love of all that's humane, don't make me watch this!" Well the fact that watching it seemed to cause Neo agony made me want to watch it all the more. Alas I should have heeded his warnings!
I have seen some movies here at The Dungeon with characters so stupid and annoying one wonders why their parents didn't eat them at birth, let alone how they managed to survive to adulthood. But out of all these mentally challenged eedjits, I have never been more disappointed with the lack of a death to a character as when Jimmy Quinn some how managed to survive this flick. Despite the fact that he was painfully stupid he managed to avoid being killed by a giant Aztec God, Italian hit men, and an Aztec shaman. At one point Shaft wanted to kill him and I was right there with him! Hell, when the 2 Italian guys were beating him up, I was shouting at the screen ... "WORK THE GROIN! WORK THE GROIN!" but alas, as Neo would say, the bastard never ended up wearing his own entrails as Mardi Gras beads!
Why do I dwell on him? He had 10 times more screen time than the supposed title character, Q The Quetzalcoatl. I mean good goddess, I would have loved to have seen a little more gore. Maybe have Q pick up some helpless victims and drop them from a height of ... oh say ... 300 feet? On to a spikey fence? But instead we get to see Shaft and the guy from Kung-Fu engage in a battle of wits. A dude who doesn't think women working out is sexy (clearly gay) and waaaayyyy too much Michael Moriarty!
Here's the plot. An Aztec priest sacrificies humans to ressurrect his God. He does this by ritualistically torturing them. My favorite character by far! Meanwhile, the cops find a connection to a giant "bird" that's eating the people of New York and the star of the movie, the retched Jimmy Quinn, finds work as a wheelman for a bank job. Jimmy, however, winds up losing the diamonds that were stolen and finding the lair of the Aztec God. When the two Italians beat the crap out of him, trying to get their diamonds back, he leads them to Q's nest where Q promptly eats them. After being arrested, Quinn black mails New York for 1 million dollars. The cops find the nest and smash the egg they find.
Let me give you a short rant. If I find the egg of a giant prehistoric reptile, rather than smashing it, I would think it would be a good idea to sell it for, oh I don't know, more than a New York cop makes in a year? Or a life time even!
The whole thing back fires on Quinn, who wisely chose not to have a lawyer present when he made the deal for a million bucks. Unfortunatly Q is killed by the cops and more unfortunatly Quinn is NOT killed by the cops. All in all I think it's best if you find a friend to edit out all the scenes that do not include Q. The 3 minute movie you end up with will be much better than the 90 minute movie I had to endure. Sorry Jordan, but I think you must have been completely wasted to have watched this movie and liked it. mmm mmm mmm Rum and Coke!
Jimmy is likely the most idiotic person I have ever seen put to film. He is an unemployed wheelman looking for a job. A couple of Guido like guys, Webb and Doyle, offer to let him be the get away driver for a big diamond heist they have planed. You wouldn't believe the name of the place either. It's called "Neil Diamonds". Anyway, Quinn double crosses them and trys to run off with the $70k worth of diamonds himself and yet somehow manages to lose them while almost getting run over by a cab! You would think New York cabbies could finish what they started!
This series of mishaps lead to Jimmy trying to duck the cops and stumbling across "Q's" nest where she doesn't seem to be alone. This is where we fin out that Q is actually a girl since we now find an egg large enough to feed the homeless on New York for a week. On a side note, why do all the monsters take up residence in either New York, Tokyo, or L.A.?
Anyway, one thing leads to another, Jimmy gets his ass beat by Webb and Doyle, which in turns leads to the loudest applause I have ever heard from everyone involved with Neohamster Productions! And New York gets held hostage by the one man who SHOULD have died in this whole film. Thankfully the police didn't graduate from the Barney Fife school of incompetence though! In fact, they outsmart Jimbo. O.K. So that's no big thing to do but hey, it made us happy!
Not the best film nor even an on par sort of film. In fact, this is every bit as much a SUB-par film! I don't even think it's worthy of a rental. If you can perhaps find a copy of this on the side of the road, or under the dead hooker in the trunk of your new car, then by all means give it a shot. But don't waste any money on this piece of flaming dog poo!