E tu vivrai nel terrore - L'aldila
|© 1981||Rolling Thunder|
Liza - Liza is our main character and as such auffers from the usual problems. Inability to act, excessive screaming, and a death that never comes for her. This almost fashion designer inherits Motel Hell, and despite several warnings from various people, stays and tries to fix it up.
Emily - Blind woman who has a super secret. It's so secret that don't even tell us, the audience, what it really is. As she is led around by Dickey, her seeing eye dog, she tries in vain to warn Liza of the impending evil only to have her throat torn out by trusty Dickey for her troubles.
Dr. John McKay - This loser and skeptic is the main doctor. He helps Liza to investigate what is going on and ends up crossing the blackest sea with her for all eternity. All this and not even a little nookie from her.
Martin Avery - Interior designer for Liza and private dick on the side. This gay guy who wants to be straight should have kept his business to himself and he wouldn't have been eaten by the fakest looking spiders I have ever seen
Joe - "The Plumber." This idiot opened up Sweick's tomb and released him again. He kind of resembles the bearded guy from Highway to Heaven except without the hobo sex appeal. Thankfully this organ bag has his eyes poked out by Sweick's animated corpse.
Martha - Liza's maid who I swear had a bit of a secret of her own. If I ever had a maid, I would want her to be just like this Oxygen sucker. Martha had no problems sticking her hands into some of the blackest, murkiest, shit filled water I have ever seen and all without a second glance.
Arthur - This example of why killing your young should be legal is Martha's little dim-witted boy. He is also the hotel's handyman, I think, who has a slight attraction to Liza, or at least her panties. Why oh why is it so hard for the bad guys to find and kill people like this carbon blob?
Jill - The little red headed girl of the story and Joe "The Plumber's" daughter. I have no idea how but she ends up blind and possessed by some kind of evil spirit only to have her head blown to shreds by Johnny. I don't think he even took a second to think about it. He just blew her head off. Kind of funny though.
Mary Ann - Joe "The Plumber's" wife turned strawberry slurpee. She didn't play much of a part but the way she dressed her dead husband, it was obvious she had some training in dealing with corpses. She should get a job with my uncle's funeral home. After all, Nunzio put the FUN in FUNeral!
*I almost became an unsuccessful fashion designer.
*I can't fire them, they came with the house.
*This looks more like rust than blood.
*And the day the gates of hell are opened, on that day the dead will walk the Earth.
*Attack Dickey, attack!
*No Liza. I'm a doctor and I wont accept irrational explanations.
3min: Not a very good doorman/clerk is he?
10min: Thank you Captain Obvious. Anything lse you'd like to point out?
15min: Wait. Wasn't he knocking stone a bit higher than that?
23min: GOOD GOD!! Look at that chest hair. Looks like Joe is wearing a sweater.
32min: Isn't that considered slavery?
35min: She doesn't look like either of her parents but she does have Emily's eyes.
39min: One blind woman. See how she runs.
42min: That looked like the same corpse from Profundo Russo.
44min: Wasn't he nailed to the wall in the basement?
50min: omeone really should oil that spider.
59min: Hey Joe. Welcome back buddy.
76min: Not too bad. He got 11 shots out of that gun before needing to reload.
79min: What is sad in this scene is the fact that John is actually trying to reload the gun by dropping bullets down there.
85min: You look like I feel right now.
We start the film with Sweick painting a very odd scene and some toothless inbreds rowing their way up stream. Turns out the destination of the night was the hotel where Sweick is staying. They break into his room and drag him down to the basement where they begin to nail him to the wall with all sorts of acusations like his being a "warlock." This brings about the opening of one of the gateways to hell ... of course. This is hinted at by the camera panning over to the side where we now see the sign of Eibon carved into the stone wall. Cut to present day and we now see Liza, the new owner of this slice of hell. By this point all hell is about to break loose, no pun intended, and Emily makes herself known. She seems to have escaped this underworld and is trying to warn Liza of the impending dangers, all to no avail.
Now not only was this film awesome, gorey, suspenseful, and "fulchi-fied", but it was made in the good old U, S, of A. Pure home grown horror from our back yard. Although perfect in almost every way, it still had it's problems. A guy loading his gun barrel first for example and some choppy editing mixed with slurpee like FX brought this film down a notch or two. Not even Emeril could have kicked it back up that notch. This was all taken care of though with a great story and an exploding head. I just wish I knew why Dickey went mad, or just exactly what Harris' role was, or why the corpse in Deep Red didn't stand up and kill everyone like it did here. Oh well. I guess all this questions will be answered in due time!