Smoking Ninja
Rated R25min

Donald F. Steiweck - Donald is played by none other than John Simpson, who ever the hell that is. Some how, I think John could be the only person who could, or would, play this character. Donald is a reporter trying to find the last of the Ninja in the western world. This is the type of reporting we can expect from people who think Play-Doh is a type of martial arts. I'm serious folks!

Smoking Ninja - Ok, first off, this character could have been played by Dave Attell! Daniel Dennis really didn't do anything original as far as the character was played, but I'll get into that more in the review. Smoking is supposed to be the last of the Ninja left here in America. He has a wonderful back story about how he was born in an incubator and raised for 15 years in a children's hospital. Boy what an imagination. It was pretty cool to watch him fight off the Irish mob in the hopes of preventing the new sex drug "Zipper Poppers" from getting out! ... (snicker)!

Jasper - Jasper was a minor character, and one of my favorites. He was the mighty cashier of "Pass N' Gas!" Some of his deleted stuff was better than what was used in the film though. He needed a lot more lines and screen time but I guess he wouldn't get it what with being funnier than the stars and all.

Bambi Rollins - By far the best part of this film!!! I would have paid money for this DVD if I could have just seen her fun bags once! Although an extremely minor character with no lines, at least none that could be heard, she was my favorite of all! MmMmMm. Those blonde pig tails will forever be burned into the recesses of my brain, only to be brought out at times when I am alone and in need of some ... "relief" from the ... well what ever! Speaking of which, I should see about heading back to Mons Venus sometime soon.

*Oh I love you Glow-Worm!

*Where are our round-eyed knights in faded jumpsuits?

*Are there any Ninja in my trash can?

*Stealth goes out the f^cking window like Eric Clapton's baby.

*Ye Olde Pass N' Gas.

*Shut the camera off and get in the f^cking Corolla!

1min: Japanese Ska? I certainly hope this is not a sign of things to come!
9min: I now know I hate this guy!
14min: I just realised, this film has no point.
16min: Smoking Ninja is gay?
22min: YES! Bust his ass down!
23min: CRAP! Surprise twist that sucked!

Although a pretty good film, this was seriously lacking in several areas! Despite what I learned from my director friend Ronnie Sortor, a film can be made for a hell of a lot less than $30k. This one looks like maybe $25 to $100 tops. The main star was pretty much a Dave Attell rip-off with a lot of the same mannerisms, lines, and delivery. All he needs to do is shave his head and run from bar to bar at night and he is all set for a future in TV.

The film itself was a pretty good shot though. I doubt if I had a budget of $30 I could do much better. These people should be applauded and then shot like rabid blood llamas in the middle of downtown Orlando. The best part of this movie was the DVD. It was made by my friend Timmy of Concussion Graphics and I am amazed at how professional it turned out. In fact, I may even let him do my DVDs when I get my film finished. Well, besides the DVD being put together great, the extras themselves were a lot better than the film.

The extras included were ...
Deleted scenes. - Here we get to see all the good stuff that was cut out only to be replaced by scenes of much lesser quality. Poor Navarro's stuff saw a close up of the cutting room floor.
Theatrical Trailer. - Now I have yet to see a trailer for this in a theatre but hey, good try. At least it was a trailer with a funny narrator.
Video Thanks. - This was perhaps the most inventive part of the whole deal. Sock puppets delivering the special thanks section. It was funny, sick, twisted, and totally erotic to those of you who have a sock fetish ... you sick bastards!

My overall opinion is a positive one though. I wouldn't exactly go out and get all my friends to watch, but I think it was a great outting for these people. I do look forward to another installment from Nacho Castle in the near future, but too near. Maybe the next one will even be funny!