I, Zombie
© 1998Fangoria
Lost Films
Rated R85min

Mark - Our focal point of the film. He has a sick obsession with fungus. Eventually tries to kill himself with Ether.

Sarah - Mark's girlfriend. Waited for him to return for 2 years. Was felt up by Zombie Mark for her troubles.

David - Sarah's new beau. Has a few words to say about Mark and some mighty dead shoes to fill!

Tramp - The only one to fight off the Zombie Mark.

Sarah's Friend - I'm not being lazy. These people really had no names nor any other purpose other than to sit there and get drunk.

Nikki - The real estate agent. Ok. I think I'm too deseprate for characters now.

* Not having a social life is a good way to save money!

* He just wanted to be by himself. I don't know why.

* I can no longer watch myself rot!

Becoming a Zombie is the equivalent of receiving a Nursing degree.

Human flesh goes best with a nice red wine

A severed head weighs about the same as 5 bowling balls.

When you become a Zombie, you spend a lot of time daydreaming.

When infected with the Zombie "virus", masturbation becomes a dangerous past time.

6min: Is collecting fungus better than having sex with your girlfriend?
8min: See the brow? It's a good sign to haul ass!
9min: Told ya so!
32min: Have you "thought" about going to a doctor?
34min: Dude, Don't smoke! It'll kill you! wait ... nevermind
43min: Did he just see the lost episode of Pokémon? What's with the convulsions?
46min: Random act of volence against a mirror
47min: A hooker? This is how you cope with being a Zombie? By cuddling with a hooker? You have issues Mark!
62min: Oh now you run from the Zombie corpses in the abandoned building. A little late don't ya think?
64min: Neo's obsession with Zombie penis is beginning to worry me!
67min: Serves you right you feckin' idiot! Should have been looking for a cure or on your way to the doctor, rather than spanking the little Zombie!
70min: Again with the fetal position and twitching
72min: Zombie pattern baldness is a bitch!
76min: Oh goody. Is his photo album titled "Memories of an Idiot"?

WARNING:This film is British

So, Neo pops this sorry flick into his hesitent and resentful VCR. It has been known to actually spit out videos in disust from time to time.

Mark is our protagonist. He's off collecting fungus when he gets bit by a zombie girl. Poor Mark was just trying to help a girl he thought was sick. Well, I guess no good deed goes unpunished. After he's bit he drops the girl and finds himself a camper to eat.

Rather then seeking medical attention, he rents a house and begins to spend his remaining days in an orgy of cannibalism, masturbation, and falling into the fetal position and twitching. Eventually Mark kills himself.

This movie was missing something. Something important ...... oh yeah, A STORY! This movie had no story, which is really the most important part. There's lots of annoying dream sequences, more than I have ever seen in any other film.

There's also quite a few meaningless scenes. One of my favorites is when Mark was sitting on a bench feeding pigeons, looking all sad and crap. Kind of like he lost his best friend ... or life! Look, if I become a zombie, I hope I'm not as big a wuss as Mark.

I think if anything, I would blame humanity and go on a killing spree, eating and infecting as many people as possible. Not just sit at home, staring at my zombie rot, crying about the loss of my ex-girlfriend. Look man, you want her so damn bad, go infect her so you have some company other than skanky hookers!

There's good gore, testimony to that is when Neo's girlfriend hid her face the whole time, not wanting to look. Gore doesn't make a movie though. Story does!

This was my second time watching this and I must say, I certainly hope the Rogues appreciate it! This film was horrendous! Nah. It wasn't all that bad. I did love the take on the whole Zombie "virus" and I loved the gore. But this film lacked something. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I think it was something in the acting area. Hamster thought it was the story but I think it was just the acting. This film had a story, it was just conveyed in a more artistic way than any other Zombie film. It was executed poorly!

This film is a 1998 Fangoria release and it only goes to prove that just because you write about Horror films, doesn't mean you should attempt to make one, or distribute them. In fact, just stay the hell away from the film unless you are writing about it! I like porn but it doesn't mean I could make one. Although it would be fun to try some day. Mental note: Must attempt to make a porn one day. The cinematography was excellent and the gore was top notch but there are so many more elements to the film than that! You need direction, people who can act, a script worth doing, a production company who isn't swayed by shiney objects, and an editor without A.D.D.!

This film starts with an introduction by Sarah. She went on to babble a bit about Mark and the usual Femme-Nazi propaganda. Next we have Sarah and Mark, the focus point of the film, having a wonderful dinner followed by a roll in the English hay. Mark now remembers he has to finish some project he was working on and sets off to collect some fungus. How much of a blow to the ego it muct be to be blown off for mold. Once Mark sets out on his on expeditionhe runs across an abandoned house and a dead man who looks like he was attacked by giant leeches. In the next room Mark finds one of the ugliest women ever to hit film since the Tonya Harding wedding night video. Of course this woman is infected with something and takes a healthy chunk out of Marks neck, thus infecting him. ARGH, This was such a simplistic plot.

As the story continues we find out Mark has not seen a doctor. No, instead he gets a flat and begins to study the effects of this disease himself, recklessly eating various people around the neighborhood all the while wanking to pictures of Sarah. Now, as I stated before, this was my second viewing, so I was waiting for one scene in particular that I found to be absolutely hysterical! Anyway, this Zombie needed love and when you're a decaying mass with a hankering for human flesh who needs a little tender lovin', what do you do? You get a hooker of course! You know, on a side note, I have to say that based off of this film, I am never going to England. Their women never heard of dentists, the hookers are less attractive than Nicole Bass, and how horrible must their healthcare system be that Mark would rather study himself than seek medical care?

Mark now deceides that he has had enough spankage time and heads out one night to Sarah. Unfortunatly for him, his self-consciousness of the fact that he is decaying, gets the better of him. He instead drugs her with a bit of Ether and drags her back to his apartment for a stimulating night of talking to the back of her head and cheap feels. After which, he drags her back home.

A very slow film and sometimes a bit too artsy fartsy for my tastes go in the Zombie field but all in all a good film! It had good camera work, great gore, and some of the most nonintentional hysterical scenes I have seen put to video. Where else can you see a guy bleeding from various sections of his body, with a leg held together with an erector set, pull his penis off before attempting to end his miserable life with an overdose of Ether? Wait a minute. Maybe that wasn't that funny! *sigh* I guess I should go wath the World Cup now. Anything would be better than watching "I, Zombie" again! GO ITALY!