Prehistoric Women
Rated NR74min

***Special side note! This film had like 10-15 characters yet only 4 were of any real value! The following is a list of those 4, and ONLY 4!***

Tigri - Tigri was kind of cute. Well about as cute as a woman from the 50's playing a woman from 10,000 years BC could be! Tigri was the daughter of tribal leader, and lead revolutionary for the woman's cause. She eventually became pseudo-leader of the tribe and lead the women to stealing their husbands. She had a sexy possessive nature about her that ended up leading her into a cat fight with the redhead of the tribe! Only Rodney Moore could have ended that better!

Engor - This was the male love interest and slave to Tigri. He was supposed to have been smarter than the average male, yet he needed Tigri to show him how to move a rock easier than straining and pushing. This amazingly clean shaven caveman had two hot babes fighting for him, and lord knows why. He does eventually lead the tribe and take them on adventures beyond belief that end up killing a poor, misunderstood, 9' tall hillbilly! Oh, he was also the one who discovered fire, cooking meat, and playa status!

Wise One - Not much to be said about this hag other than she played drums and helped lead the tribe of PMSing prehistoric babes! She also liked to examine the men when they were brought in from capture. Sick puppy!

Gwaty - This poor gentle giant was misunderstood. He only wanted love and tried to steal when ever he could. This earned him legendary status among the cave folk and ended up costing him his life by way of burning to death. Way to go Engor. Feel like a bigger man now? Rest peace sweet Gwanty!

*Wacking a tree will stupify a tiger.

*Women in the stone age had amazing hairless legs and perfect hair!

*When 1/2 the film is filmed in jet black, that eliminates the worry of visual screw ups!

No cave man film tops the ever great "1 Million Years DD!"

*You can actually capture a mate, keep them as slaves, and eventually they will want to marry you!

*I have a thing for Amazonian women!

2min: Early raver chicks
4min: I wish I could see the characters, but it's too damn dark!
17min: Sexy ass-kicking babes unite!
24min: Who are they, the sex police?
31min: Yes, because Pythons attack humans for no reason.
33min: What? What the hell is going on? Damn black screen!
36min: Smarter than the average male? Heyeah right! Maybe in that Yogi sort of way.
44min: Whoa ... This is hot!
54min: A crane is considered a dragon?
65min: This movie really could have ended 20 minutes ago.
72min: heeheehee 4 weddings and a funeral.

This is probably the worst review I ever had to do. Not because the movie was bad, lord knows I have seen worse, but because I hate cave themed films! Let's introduce something like 15 characters with names no one will remember or understand. After that we will show them on screen for a total of 10 minutes ... combined.

This film had such a soap opera feel to it also. I should know, I watch General Hospital on an almost daily basis! Character A gets kidnapped and escapes. Character A goes seeking revenge against Character B. Character A ends up falling in love with B while holding B hostage! Characters A & B get married and invite Characters C-ZZ. Sound a little like Luke and Laura? Well it also was Tigri and Engor. Hell, even his name was lame. At least Tigri's was cool. (TEE-GREE)

The plot wasn't that bad though. I mean there is only so much you can do with a caveman themed film. But damn, the ooga ooga speech just drove me insane! What do people see in these films? I would have much rather listened to the dialogue from Aliens 3 than have to sit through this crap once more! And it's not like the writers for these films have a tough job. Just do some random typing on a keys and I am sure you will get something to the effect of cave language! (example: jhsdvl dvy sdhguya udgcy) Translation means, "Next person to pick a cave film, gets my foot embedded in their ..."

Perhaps even more disturbing than the language and soap plots, was the fact that people never bathed yet they had perfectly styled hair, clean shaven faces and legs, and no dirt spots! *sigh* Is it so hard to expect a little bit of realism in it? They try to explain this away by having the narrator tell you about how one character has a fetish for being clean shaven and rubs an edged rock against his skin. Now first of all, an edged rock will not "cut" the hair off of your cheek. Second of all, if this is how he shaved, he wouldn't have had the pretty, soft, hollywood styled face for very long!

Well I think I have discussed my hatred for these kinds of films enough. This will teach me not to speak up at the next roundtable discussion! Let's this be a warning to everyone, ROCK THE VOTE! Your voice matters! Now to go cleanse my brain of this wicked film and watch something with substance. Here I come Operation Dumbo Drop!