|Death by Dialogue|
|© 1988||City Lights|
Cary - This guy looks like the idiot from "Greatest American Hero". He turns out to be the nephew of Ive Joverson, the man entrusted with a vengeance spirit.
Uncle Ive Joverson - Mistaken by a South American tribe as a diety and as such entrusted with the remains of a photogrpher now turned evil spirit. Somehow lets the spirit free and allows it to possess a manuscript. (Was the blender busy that week?)
Ms. Camden - Nursemaid to Uncle Ive and a protector of the secret with-in the manuscript. Victim #70. Disemboweled by the evil guy.
Shelly - Typical blonde who discovers the script and the secret. Someone should have put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool for this girl!
Lenny - I prefer to call him "Token". Although not a star, he got the promotion of the film. The only guy to survive Nightmare on Elm Street. *sigh* Helps to beat the baddie.
Gene - What can be said about this guy? He tried to fly a kite in a mine shaft. Thankfully he was removed from the gene pool as Victim #68 by a renegade hair band in the forest. (God I wish I was making this up!)
Linda - This is Gene's slutty girlfriend. She was also Victim #67 as she was blasted out of the barn by Gene's super sperm.
Garland Thorn - I guess he worked on the set of Uncle Ive's. He is the one who sets the demon free again and pays for it by becoming Victim #66 and being "fired" by a chick in a black bikini and flame thrower. Watch for those to be a hot accessory this summer.
Detective Benjamin - Investigating the death of Thorn. Not exactly the poster boy for Police intelligence. Ends up being Victim #69 by being sucked into the Earth and spit back out half melted.
*The script is killing everyone!
*It's called the Heimliche menuver. You use the Heimliche Menuver to save a girls life. Not the Hymen Remover. That's something totally different!
1min: "Bobo's exploding Trunk 'o Fun!"
6min: I think Thorn needs glasses if he mistakes THAT as Ms. Camden!
7min: Beware of hot bikini babes with flame throwers.
17min: He did not just recommend playing Hide and Seek. Tell me he did not just say that!
22min: Words cannot begin to describe this scene.
23min: Volleyball? In a mine shaft?
24min: Was he trying to fly a kite in the mine as well? Oh please tell me he's the next to die!
29min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
30min: Do you idiots not notice the barn flexing, leaking various fluids, and groaning?
32min: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I bet he's called "The Sperminator"
33min: Did he just come across a hair band in the middle of the woods?
39min: The script is killing me too lady!
57min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
67min: Wasn't there a house just a mere few feet away from you a second ago?
73min: Can you not see him breathing you feckin' eedjit?
This movie gives me endless amusement. Not because it's a good movie by any means, but because of the pain it causes Neo. His eyes dance about oddly at the mere mention of this sorry piece of sheep excretion, as if he would be struck retarded with a luisville slugger. This movie really gets to him. I really enjoyed the look on his face when I dragged it off the shelf and recommended it for viewing.
Well the movie is in fact bad. Just not that bad. Not as bad as say Curse of the Screaming Dead, Howling: New Moon Rising, Carnivore, Stage Ghost, Unseen evil ... Well, let's just say I have seen worse.
Let's start with the good things. The movies most annoying characters die pretty early in the film and it has boobs in it. Well that's it for the good.
Here's the plot. Or the lame ass attempt at one. Death comes to those who read a haunted script. And when a group of 25-35 year old teenagers come to ones Uncle's house, and they find the script, they begin to drop like flies.You see whatever you read on the script actually happens. And what's written on those scripts is death and dismemberment. They eventually relise that they can alter the script but manage to fail to write the ghost of the script out of their misery.
So why's this film so bad it gives Neo migraines so painful I almost feel sorry for him?
BAD ACTING: It's like a workshop for Soap Opera rejects.
REPEATED SCENES: There are a few scenes you just see over and over.
EXCESSIVE SILLINESS: If a hair band shows up in the middle of a forest and kills you, does it make a sound?
It's an awful mess of a movie.
I bought this monstrosity from a local mom and pop video store when it was going out of business and I knew it was going to be bad when I saw by the tag line "Starring the guy who survived Nightmare on Elm Street". I had no idea just how bad it was going to be. Let's just say chewing tin foil would have been more enjoyable than having to watch this film again for a review. Get it, watch it, and you will have a whole new appreciation for me and my word!
Anyway, this had nothing! A weak plot, bad Special FX, awful acting, and even worse actors, coupled with incompetent directors, editors, and writers made this one of my top three worst films EVER! Yes it's just that bad! I actually had to take the tape and baptise it with Holy Water and lay it to rest! I NEVER plan on watching this piece of crap again!
I suppose it wouldn't have been that bad if I didn't have to put up with things like hair bands playing in the middle of the woods, a drooling gargoyle that had nothing to do with the plot, and the most ludicris plot twists ever to be displayed on video.
We have a crippled white guy who crashed hs airplane in South America and was regarded by one of the local tribes as a God. It seems a news man from the U.S. has been harassing this tribe as well and he eventually was killed. His body cremated and the ashes entrusted to this "God", Uncle Ive. He than returns home and promptly loses them, releasing the spirit and allowing it to occupy a manuscript. I guess Uncle Ive lived on a movie lot as well as touring the world impersonating South American dieties. Just stay clear of this crapfest!