Michelle Winston - Michelle is the complete idiot of a Babysitter who wouldn't noticed a rabid weasel gnawing on her ass! Framed for the murder of Sallie Bertrand.
Bill Bertrand - Played by the father from 7th Heaven. Murdered his wife and framed the Babysitter. Of course he had sex with her for good measure first. Go Bill! Stabed by Michelle and arrested by Frank.
Sallie Bertrand - A kind woman. Although she was cheating on her husband behind his back! Shot in the head at the beginning.
Miss Kate Jacobs - Sassy black detective investigating the suicide/murder. Played by the mom from Cosby! She was the only half-way intelligent character next to Tracy!
Tracy - Michelle's friend and the only one not distracted by bright flashy objects. Played by the best actress in this movie, Arian Ash-Clute. Keep the pig-tails baby!!
Paul Richards - Sallie's lover. A computer analyst that seemed to know nothing about computers. Shot by Bill and deservedly so! Go again Bill!
Frank - Bill's detective friend. Not much to say about this guy. He was useless!
Danny - Michelle's boyfriend. Has a sick idea of how to win over his women. Does scarring the living bejesus out of women really turn them on> Goes to Prom with Tracy. Go Danny!
Kyle and Jennifer - Sallie and Bill's kids. Just thought they deserved a mention since their dad went to prison and their mom was killed by daddy. I wonder who's going to pay the therapy bills?
*So, She was just lying there all bloody when you found her?
*I didn't know guys wanted to be housekeepers.
*She was high maintanence and look at you, You're strictly chump change.
*The sex was incredible Paul and I have you to thank for it!
*Adults are old and boring Michelle. Just like you!
*I got two words for ya Frank ... "Aimee Fisher!"
2min: Why do I have the feeling this is a Lifetime Orginal? Oh feck. Hamster Just said it was!
5min: There's Tracy played by my cute friend Arian Clute.
6min: I know her too. And the thoughts of her and Keri could me slapped right now. heeheehee
14min: That's a statement, not a question!
16min: Miss Jacobs needs sensitivity courses!
18min: What the feck? The police station was located on a pier?
20min: Oh yeah baby!! Neo likey Pig-Tails!
23min: Awwww. She's amused by the blinking lights.
26min: Focus on the Bikinis and this movie should get better.
32min: Crap! I broke my pen! Does that count as a Random act of Violence?
34min: Awww. How cute. Arian poked her head around Keri for more screen time! You little devil you!
40min: Is this the seduction I have been waiting to see? 40 minutes into the damn thing?
47min: Random act of violence against a door
53min: Hey Bill, you should have weighed the body down a bit. A floating corpse is somewhat noticable! Listen to the Italian. Neo knows how to hide corpses!
55min: Goddess! She's going to swallow his whole head!
60min: Right about now a "Ha yous Doin" exchange happens between Hamster and Neo.
70min: I see the plot finally becomes apparent to Michaelle. Way to go Helen Keller. It only took like 3 weeks for reality to dawn on you!
73min: What the hell is "Willy Time", or do I wanna know?
76min: Neo proves he is an Italian once again by proving a better way to kill a cop.
90min: Wasn't he just stabed? Where's the blood?
91min: Oh Richard Mayner. You too have made Neo's List!
"Please, please! Kill the damsel in distress before she pollutes the gene pool!"
My co-worker and friend, Arian Clute, is in this film! But I'm not cutting her any slack. No sir, I will always be completely honest and brutal in my reviews. She was the only thing I liked about this movie.
No really I mean it. I'm serious. Stop that, I know you think I'm biased. I'M TELLING THE TRUTH DAMN IT! I'M SINCERE I TELL YOU, SINCERE!
Well the movie was very predictable, as the dad from 7th Heaven sets up poor Keri Russel for murder. Keri's character is so painfully, blindingly dumb. You pray that Bertrand succeeds in killing the little feckin' eedjit deader than Elvis! Well everyone can see that Bertrand is shadier than a Detroit Lions highlight video, except for Michelle of course. No, she blissfully fa-la-la's her way through this very predictable film. Completely ignorant to the fact that her new lover/employer is trying to frame her for murder.
Here's the "plot". Bertrand kills his wife and makes it look like a suicide, but leaves enough evidence lying around that it was indeed a murder. So Bertrand begins to make it out to look like the babysitter did it. Why frame poor innocent Michelle? Near as I can tell anyone that stupid deserves to be framed! When his deceased wife's lover shows up Bertrand decides to send the guy to watery grave.
I had no idea the guy from 7th Heaven was this cool! I wish he was my dad.
When he finally decides to kill Michelle, is about the time Michelle realises he may not be such a nice guy. She doesn't have much time to ponder this subject since he now tries to tie her up with her own panties and tries to kill her. I suppose the part where she gets away and stabs Bertrand in the swimming pool is the part of the movie where all the lonely, man hating, Lifetime she-losers, stand up and cheer at how the woman defeated the evil man. But let's face it ladies, Michelle isn't exactly the best representation of a liberated female! I'm pretty sure Xena would kill her simply out of disgust! Too bad the dad from 7th Heaven couldn't take her out of the gene pool!
We start the film with Michelle babysitting at this Hoytie Toytie house and going for a midnight swim. Her boyfriend thought it would be funny to sneek around and scare the living bejesus out of her. Sad to say but that was the ONLY pseudo-suspense in this whole monstrosity of a film. We are then treated to the whole reason to watch this film. The beautiful and talented Arian Clute! You are one lucky man Chris!
Anyway, you spend the entire movie waiting to see her again and each time she gets more and more beautiful leading up to the climactic Homecoming Dress! hubba hubba. The whole reason to watch the film in general is for the gorgeous Arian and her ever changing wardrobe and pig-tails. I bet she had more changes then the frickin' star but hey, it was all worth it. Lord knows you wouldn't watch it for the supposed plot, sorry acting, or por direction since there wasn't a single trace of goodness to be found for miles in those catagories! This film gets a 3 and mostly for Arian's Pig-tails. Can you tell I like pig-tails? Neo likey!!