Zombie 4: After Death
a.k.a. Oltre la Morte
Oltre la Morte
|© 1988||Flora Film S.r.l.|
Tommy - Tommy is the best dressed merc I have ever seen in the jungle. He is also the first to get bit. Coincidence? Read the book! I mean come on people, what's the point of wearing a sports coat and slacks while your trampsing through a mud filled jungle in the middle of no where? This man deserved what he got! ... feckin' pretty boy ...
Dan - Dan was the poor black guy. You know a brutha nevah makes it outtah these things ahlive! Dan was also the most intelligent bunch in the troop of traveling mercs and as such he gets shot by Zombie Mad.
Mad - Now why didn't everyone have cool nic names like this? I know I wanted to be known as "slightly Perturbed" by the end of this film! Anyway, he was leader of the rag tag merc group who landed on this God forsaken island. He also seemed to be the second stupidest person in the cast. second ONLY to Tommy of course!
Rod - Ok, maybe Tommy wasn't so bad when you compare him to the toothless wonder of Rod. This ex Jerry Springer misfit must have been the pity member of the group. Most people lose limbs, eyes, even their sanity in war, this man lost his teeth. He does end up getting munched by someone with teeth though when the Zombie Louise makes him her main course. (Neo shakes his head) Someone should have taught Rod that the man is supposed to be the one to eat the woman. heehee ... O.K. Let's move on!
Louise - This brunette whore probably would have slept with the whole merc group had they had enough beer. She was useless and utterly repulsive. After letting you all know that she was chowed by Tommy I see no other reason to continue talking about her.
Jenny - Jenny was the blonde babe who escaped the island as a 4 year old and yet has a hard time as a 20+ year old. She is also friends with Louise but I guess this stems from her lack of a parental up bringing. Long story. Keep reading.
Valerie - This is the female explorer searching for some sort of a sign that the scientist colony may still be alive. She loved to whine and gripe about how the jungle sucks. Right up until she became kibbles and bits for the Zombie hordes.
David - This man led the group of adventurers on the futile search for the scientists. Although I do believe he may have had an alternative for doing what he was doing. This brave man also ended up opening the door to Hell. Wait, did I say brave? I meant "stupid." Thankfully he too became Zombie chow.
Chuck - Now, as if Tommy wasn't bad enough, Chucky-poo here goes off to search for a jungle colony dressed like a reject from an 80's boy band. What's the matter Chuck, New Kids all filled up? Lord how I wished I could have been the Zombie that got to punch through him!
8min: AHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGAAAHHHH!!!! Flabby man boob!
17min: 1st off, who are these people and 2nd, where did she get her parenting skills?
30min: Torches that still light? What do zombies need with torches and how can I convince my DM that this can happen?
34min: They're candles jackass now happy friggin' birthday!
37min: It's the opening to a haunted carnival funhouse.
60min: Leukemia? I could have sworn the doctors said cancer at the beginning. Now get your damn diseases straight hoochie momma!
62min: If these candles are so bad for the Zombies, who keeps lighting them when there is nothing but Zombies on this frickin' island?
68min: You never said "Get outta here." You did however say "Just a minute."
77min: Hundreds of the living dead are stalking you outside and you stop to sleep?
81min: Looks like that was the wrong thing to do ... DUMBASS!!!
We start off with a voodoo priest sending his wife to hell. Lord knows why since he doesn't really explain it. Anyway, the ground opens up and swallows her whole. In the mean time a group of scientists, who I guess cross class as mercenaries, burst in and try to explain to him that they didn't kill his daughter and to remove the curse of the living dead. This results in some little hyper guy blowing the priest away and summoning his wife back to help spread the plague. I guess he should have used those skill points to increase his intelligence a little more. Now we cut to a couple running through the jungle being pursued by zombies. Of course, like idiots, they decide to stop and fight. As if I needed to have an Oracle tell me, the parents end up dying and a 4 year old little girl is left to run through the jungles on her own.
We skip now to present day and are greeted by the image of a toothless idiot who seems to be a "soldier of fortune." If he has such a "fortune" you'd think he could buy himself some teeth. Him and his little buddies seem to be out for a quick jaunt through the local waters when they, and 2 women, run out of gas, forcing them to dock their ship at the Zombie filled island of Comon Iwana Eatcha, at least thats what it should have been called. Now here poses 2 of the most burning questions I have. Why were these two hot babes traveling with the mercs and why would the blonde babe (who we now find out was the little girl at the beginning) even think of setting foot back on that island KNOWING what the hell inhabits it?
Well anyway, it turns out the mercs aren't the only idiots on the island when we meet 3 explorers who are looking for a lost colony of scientists, and whatever bits of Machu Pichu or Incan or Seminole history they run across in the process. These idiots end up finding a book of the dead and unleashing even more hell fury upon the world. Thankfully 2 of them are killed before they could cause anymore harm. These people were a danger to themselves for Christ's sake. They shouldn't have been allowed out without their helmets!
This all results in a fire fight between the living and the not so living that has an ending that just about made me cheer. I wont ruin it for you but let's just say that if you have a group of idiots trying to fight hell, this was the only logical ending that could happen!
Now my overall opinion of the movie is somewhat good. I mean it did have some pretty good gore, the Fulci name, and the living dead. The only thing else it could have used was boobs! Hell, you have a hot blonde with nice lips and long gorgeous hair, so why not see her naked?? Am I right, am I right? Can I get a whoop whoop? Jigga who? Anyway, enough ranting. The story was also somewhat captivating. It did only take me 2 days to watch this one where as Curse of the Screaming Dead and Gates of Hell 2 took me about a week and another week of therapy. I suppose I would watch this again but it's no Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. Now on to watch Zombie 3 with the kung fu fighting Zombies.