The Punisher
1989New World
Rated R92min

Frank Castle a.k.a. "Punisher" - Frank Castle is an ex-police officer turned cold-blooded vigilante after his family is blown up. Played Dolph Lundgren, this character isn't half bad. True, Dolph does leave a lot to be desired as an actor, but he plays a cold and stiff character very well.

Lt. Jake Berkowitz - Played by Louis Gossett jr, Jake is Frank's best "friend", so to speak. He was a down in the dumps gutter cop who was the epitome of sorrow. That is until Frank brought him up and made him a pseudo member of his own family. After Frank's spposed death, Jake goes solo, blaming himself. Perhaps the best actor in the whole film.

Gianni Franco - Was he supposed to be Italian? I am ashamed of my heritage if he was even 1 fourth Italiano! Not only could he hardly act, but he was a wuss to boot. I doubt he will be up for father of the year since his son Tommy was kidnapped and held for ransom, eventually being rescued by big Pun rather than his own father.

Lady Tanaka - I'm thinking of sending this lady some Crest. Her teeth were more yellow than Gianni's back! Anyway, she is the leader of the new crime mob in town, the Yakuza. Can anyone say over played? This character was dry, under-developed, and kind of worthless. Most of the back story for her was told by an Italian whom she hadn't even met really. Worthless I tell you!

Shake - I liked Pun's sidekick in the comic better. This guy was no Chip I tell you what! Shake is an out of work Thespian ... no not lesbian ... who has fallen on hard times like our friend Jake. Only Shake here follows mystery toy trucks with bottles of whiskey on the back. Not exactly playing with a full deck. You would think Frank would at least buy him some clothes or even let the man use a shower now and again.

Tommy Franco - IT'S PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY!!! This kid was no more Italian than his old man! Tough little cookie though. The only problm with this character was that I didn't really feel much for him until his father was killed. Only than and that's because this kid really pulled off the tears and heartache!

Tanaka's Daughter - This poor sap didn't even get a name. She was also pretty damn HOTT!! I spent most of the film waiting for a RGBS from this hoochie! Big Pun eventually breaks her neck.

*Come on God. For years I've been asking you why. Why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive?Where is justice? Where is punishment? Or have you already answered? Have you already said to the world, here is justice. Here is punishment. Here. In me.

*I'm glad you came back. I was running out of bait.

*I'd state my reputation on it if I had one!

*Jesus Christ f*cking faggot french.

*I still talk to God some times. I ask him if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I'm still waiting for an answer and until I get one, I'll be out here. Waiting, watching. The guilty will be punished!

16min: I can't believe he followed the magical toy truck filled with whiskey.
20min: The Coast Guard takes no prisoners!
31min: Damn thespians are always talking in rhyme.
37min: Random Gratuitous Breast Shot
52min: Was he wearing red high heels?
79min: WOW. He even kills babes without reservation.
88min: Quick Tommy, look. Turn around! Your old man is still breathing!
90min: That's the second damn time I've had to see Dolph's naked ass and chicken bag. Thank God the film is over!

Where do I begin with this film? I will say this, it was not as bad as I seemed to remember it. Yeah, it had it's bad points. Like the never ending bullets, or the never ending supply of black skull topped knives, or the bad acting that seemed to shadow the good acting and bring big names down. But around all that, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Punisher ranks right up there with Fantastic Four in quality only this time someone took the time to release this flop.

Frank Castle is a police officer who had to watch his family blow up by car bomb. Now I do wonder how he survived the explosion himself since he was right next to the car when it went off. I do also wonder how the police were able to label him as dead when there was no body found and not even a shred of evidence that would point in that direction. Anyway, that aside, Frank devoted his life to living underground and fighting crime the illegal way. By becoming a fat rapper and taking on the moniker "Big" Punisher. Actually he went into hiding and killed 125 major crime bosses in 5 years. Only thing he didn't realise is, that's 25 crime bosses a year. 1 every two weeks. They kept coming and coming. Hell, one even flew in from Europe to take oer after the last one died. There has to be a point when you just sit back and say, "Jesus. Where do they keep coming from and is it worth it?" At least he was dedicated though!

The film itself was a little poor. The quality was awful, the extras were horrid, even some of the main actors couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag! Louis Gossett was perhaps the best actor and the most believable what with what he had to work with that is. Dolph was a bit too stiff and too reminiscent of good'ol Ivan! Everyone else was just useless. It was hard to believe that Stan Lee could just sit back and give the go ahead with this. Maybe the newer version will do it justice.

You know, although the story was a different direction than the comic, I am constantly reminded of something Todd McFarlane said about doing these kinds of genre titles. "There is so many times you can tell the same story before people start to get bored." It's true. Now I am a huge Spawn fan but I don't think I could watch the same story unfold 19 different times on 19 different platforms. Comics, games, movies, cartoons, eventually it gets old and tired. But I do also like to have some sort of connection with the original story. The one that got me interested in the first place. Punisher fell flat on all accounts. The retelling of the story was not a good one and there really wasn't a connection to the original.

Will I watch it again? Maybe. Am I glad I got it for $5 on DVD at Wal-Mart? Yup. Do I regret ever watching it? Nah. Will I list it in my top 10 comic to film movies? Nope.